Tuesday, March 29, 2016

Batman V Superman: The Essential FAQ (Part 1)

You have seen the movie, eaten the popcorn, finished the soda, and are pretty much done with superheroes for a month, until that Avengers movie comes out. However, there are things about Batman V Superman that made you go "Huh?!", and wouldn't it be great if someone could clear up those irritating loose plot threads? That's where this comes in. Browse the handy-dandy Batman V Superman FAQ I have prepared with tremendous care and just a little bit of alcohol, and you'll know all about the subtle details behind two dudes in tight shirts punching each other in the face.

Q: First things first. Why did we need to see Batman’s parents die again? Didn't they already do an entire movie about this called Batman begins?
A: Well, I guess Snyder wanted to reinforce the "Martha" connection. Not the most subtle way to go about it, but that's Zack Snyder for ya. Also, yes, that doesn't explain why they had to show bruce falling down a hole AGAIN, but that's Zack Snyder for ya.

Q: Oh right, the Martha connection! How stupid is that? So these guys just became best buddies because their mom's have the same name? And not even a unique name, like Florence? There's a million "Martha's" out there!
A: Actually, it's more like the fact that Superman had a mom at all. See, up until then, Batman always thought Superman was just an alien. A being with godlike powers with no one to answer to. Remember the line "You are not brave. Men are brave." Having a mother, and obviously caring about her, humanised Superman in his eyes.

Q: Ok, I'll buy that. But now that you say it, why on earth is Batman so pissed off? Isn't he supposed to be this hero guy? Who never kills? I distinctly remember him shooting up a bunch of cars until they explode with people inside!
A: Ok, in the movies, Batman has always killed people as collateral damage. Let's just accept it. I know reviewers are pretending like this is a big deal, and Snyder has broken some cardinal bat-law, but in the very second Batman movie, he stuck a BOMB in a guys stomach. So yeah, movie BatFleck is a saint in comparison
Second, this is not the typical Batman. He has been Batmanning for 20 years, and as he put it - Criminals are like weeds, they keep growing back. So in his own eyes, his crusade is a failure. This is an old, bitter batman who has grown more and more desperate. However, for the first time, there is a threat at a planetary scale, one that he must put down. He can't eliminate crime, but he can certainly eliminate this one threat from the skies. So yeah, the Bat-intensity is off the charts.

Q: Are you going to Bat-everything throughout this blog?
A: On all Bat-topics, yes.

Q: Why?
A: It's a fanboy thing, Ok? Do you wan't your questions answered or not?

Q: I don't really care that much. I am a hypothetical non-fan remember? But fine, moving on...Is that why Luthor also wants Superman dead? Why is he so angry at Superman? Did Superman piss in Luthor's cereal or what?
A: Not totally. See, one of the core character traits of Lex Luthor is that he is a megalomaniac. He is really, really smart, and hates the fact that people worship a super-strong alien from the skies instead of another human being that represents the best of their own species.

Q: That....actually makes some sense!
A: Yes, that's what makes him a great villain. However, by "another human being that represents the best of their own species", he means him and only him. So yeah, the moral high ground is kind of shaky here.

Q: Anyway, so Batman wants Superman dead because threat to humanity, Luthor wants Superman dead because threat to ego? That's kind of a flimsy reason, dude.
A: Yes, but you have to realise that from Luthor's perspective, his ego is far more important than all of humanity.

Q: Hmm, but you said Luthor hates Superman becuase people love him. But people hate him here! They are constantly giving depositions against him, and defacing his statue, and badmouthing him. Luthor's ego has nothing to fear!
A: Not really. See, they built a big-ass statue of him in the first place. Plus, there are bits and pieces where people are chanting in support of Superman. See, another one of Snyder's boneheaded decisions is to not make it very clear that on the whole, people quite like Superman. They draw his symbol on roofs when they need to be rescued, they want to touch him when he saves kids from burning buildings etc. it's just a few who see him as a threat. But of course, the movie chooses to devote 99% of the runtime to that, so you don't see much of Luthor's motivation.

Q: Love him!? Isn't he put on trial for killing a bunch of people in Africa? 
A: Ok, yes, I can see why that may seem stupid. But follow me here. See, Superman is not on trial. It's a Congressional deposition, which means he has some concerns raised about him, and he has been given a platform to put forward his side of the story.

Q: Which reminds me, why do people think he killed those terrorists in Africa? They had bullets in them? Are the investigators so dumb as to think that a man who can charcoal-grill people when he squints hard is going to pick up a gun and shoot?
A: Ok, this is another bit of misconception. See, if he was accused of killing those people, he'd be arrested. Or at least, they would declare him a wanted man. No one thinks he killed those people in Africa. The concern is that there is this American citizen who shows up anywhere in the world and does whatever the hell he likes. It was obvious that the firing started when he showed up, so the question is, if he should be responsible for collateral damage on foreign soil.

Q: Fine, although I wish they mentioned that stuff a little more. And speaking of foreign soil, any idea why the movie suddenly becomes Batman: Desert Storm? With giant bugs?
A: It's a dream/premonition. It's also a ploy to get fanboys frothy with delight. See, remember the symbol drawn on the dirt in that sequence? Yeah, that's the symbol of the BIG BAD in DC comics lore. You think Joker is bad? Darkseid is a ruler of a whole freaking planet who can toss Superman around like a rag doll. Anyway, so that is Darkseid's symbol.

Q: That's great. But why is it in the middle of THIS movie? This Dark Side or whatever never shows up? And isn't Superman the villain during this dream?
A: Darkseid is actually supposed to be the villain of the planned Justice League movie. Basically, Batman dreams that he is coming, but since, at the time, he thinks Superman is a bad guy, that's who he sees.

Q: So Batman can see the future now?
A: Batman can do a lot of things that need to be done to set up the Justice League movie. Snyder is not the most subtle of directors! We already established that!

Q: What the hell is a Justice League?
A: , I can't believe I am saying this, but Justice League is like the Avengers of DC comics. And before you ask, DC comics are the guys who publish Batman and Superman and a lot of other characters. Spider-Man, Avengers and X-Men, on the other hand, are published by Marvel comics, which is a totally different company.

Hang on for part 2!

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