Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Meat Puppet

Feeling like an empty room, a bother to even exist, I am irritated by the need to make sense of it all, thoughts keep crowding my head, shapeless and formless, made of vapor and color, no form really, just a painful reminder of how I am, empty and vapid, nothing making any sense, I force myself to it but it slips away to the other side, I have nothing to say, wish I could keep saying that all the time, nothing but a meat puppet of instinct and confusion, frustrating and irritating, words are there but not for me, for me no shape no structure no form, wish I could be like the ones I admire, bend them to my will, make them like animals in a circus ring, whip them into submission and see them dance the way I want but what do I want really, to follow the rules, what happens when the rules are so hazy and blurred that you wonder if there are any rules at all, when you know there are but won't reveal themselves to you, feel mediocrity and incompetence but to make peace with it is just unacceptable and to fight against it is impossible, shameful hurtful little reminders of a being that wants to fly but cannot , not because it's wings are clipped but because it never had any, slugs shouldn't dream of open skies, but slugs don't have imagination do they, , where exactly does imagination take you, nowhere really, just makes you more aware of what keeps you trapped and tied , want to talk and communicate but like trying to pour water from an empty vessel, how to create things that don;t even exist. even for this i have to stop and think, not meant to be like this, just a stream, but keeps getting interrupted by other streams, mind like a cobweb, no straight lines, no one way to go, every knot an intersection, an accident waiting to happen, waiting to knock me off course , no thoughts just silly little ideas that spark and die, no depth, no meaning.

1 comment:

Bedabrata said...

I say, you talk better when you don't bother about saying anything at all.